This Is Your Tape

I read and reread Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher, and I can honestly say it was an eye opener. It makes you reconsider the second look you give that person in passing, and it definitely makes you more aware of how the small things can affect someone so desperately.

They recently made a Netflix series, and I am always skeptical of these. A lot of the time the movie, or tv series, takes away from the novel, so the book nerds are always so disappointed because ALL HOLLYWOOD NEEDED TO DO WAS KEEP IT THE SAME! I was dubious, but I indulged and finished the series. Spoilers...in the event you haven't read the book or watched the end of the series.

The one thing I really liked about the series was the casting. I felt they did a perfect job depicting characters; Clay wasn't the overly sporty super good looking junior, Hannah was beautiful but not like the cheerleader types, Bryce was EXACTLY how you pictured. It worked. And I think all the actors did a great job with the characterization as well.
The HUGE difference from the book was the fact that we had insider information on characters we didn't know anything about prior. Justin Foley was a jerk- he spread rumors, he allowed his friend to rape his girlfriend- we as the reading community were like there is no redemption for him. However, in the series we are taken into Justin's home life where he has a neglectful and drug addicted mother who has an abusive boyfriend. So suddenly we are not so quick to judge Justin on his bad decisions and what he did to Hannah; we are left feeling like "Justin needed a hug" (as one of my sophomore girls said). I felt this was conflicting; Hannah Baker made these tapes because these people did different things that expressed the 13 reasons that eventually lead to her suicide. So why should I feel bad for them? They are ultimately horrible people; most of the people on the tape are just doing something to boost their popularity or just to be mean to someone. So why do I feel bad for them? I don't think this was a bad choice; I just felt it was interesting. I am supposed to be on Hannah's side, yet I have a soft spot for the jerks who made her feel small and alone.

After the second episode I knew we were making detours from the book. So, just like The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones, you enjoy the series for the sake of the series- not because you want it to be identical to the novel you love. There were  a lot of things I was uneasy with, but I did not dislike the series. It was filled with drama, it was terribly sad, at times graphic, but some of it was unexpected. They misnamed characters, changed events, rearranged the tapes, and added more details- but the show was consistently 50 minutes each episode. Ultimately, not that bad of a show. Honestly though, certain things should not have been points of concern: like Jessica and Justin's drama over his drug break down, Clay's sudden need for vengeance when his character never displayed this emotion, Justin's need to "get rid of Clay" to solve their problems, and the fact that all the boys have tattoos in high school. I know it's dumb, but it did bother me.

The end of the show really is a point of confusion. First, Clay completely bypasses the next person on the tapes and goes to the guidance counselor. Tony makes the decision to give Hannah's parents the tapes (who are in the process of suing the school district for their daughter's suicide). And Alex, the one person on the tapes who doesn't seem to have betrayed Hannah so poorly, has shot himself in the head at the end. This leaves us open for a season two...which would be a disaster. There are so many loose ends that weren't tied up; like the law suit, the school principal trying to cover the whole incident up, Hannah's parents having the tapes, and now Alex's impending death. I really think it's a let down if this were the ending, but it would be even worse if they decided to do a season two. It would completely take away from the book; not only that but it just wouldn't be enough material.
 It seems like lately Netflix series have a tendency to start off strong then let us down in the end...and in my opinion...I don't really know what to think about this one.


If you're going to watch you have to go in not expecting the exact information from the novel. It does a nice job of keeping the events the same (at least the really dramatic ones), the characters are very well established; but there are lots of different detours. Again, this is just me and my opinion- definitely check out the series if you loved the book. It kept true to the skeleton story Asher weaved of Hannah's life, although Netflix did need to include more of the drama to give viewers something else to long for.
Enjoy!

Hello Flowers.

The Cellar by Natasha Preston started, for me anyway, with the pretty covers. I know it's always about the color and the cover design. Upon reading the back cover, I was interested. As I started reading, I became terrified. I think this may have been a contributing factor as to why it took me a while to finish. *By the way, I did finish this and the next book a few months ago, however time has been escaping me lately. Again, my apologies.*

The story starts off with Summer Robinson and her utmost perfect life. She's a pretty teenager with a super caring and loving boyfriend, her family seems all too perfect. One evening, Summer went out to meet her friends at the local club, yes I know clubs are for older people but for some reason they can get in I think it takes place in England...I don't know, but she never makes it. Summer is kidnapped by a man only known as "Clover" who seems to be mistaking her for a girl named Lily.  She was drugged, and upon her coming to, Summer finds herself in the cellar of this man's home where she meets three of her "sisters": Rose, Poppy, and Violet. She was not being mistaken for Lily, this man has renamed her in order to fit into his perfect family.

Summer soon discovers these three women were also abducted, but none had a home, a family, or any kind of life to go back to. Each morning, the four women must dress in almost identical clothes to sit down at breakfast where Clover greets them. Then they have the entire day while the man of the house is at work to read, watch movies, or just sit idling. Clover puts on this persona of a fake family to come home to because he has no one to call his own. The women are given a home and expected to obey. The flowers are a symbol of how everything grows together; and now Summer finds herself expecting to be the perfect "Lily" in order to blend into the family.

Weeks turn to months, but Summer is still optimistic that her family and the love of her life, Louis, will find her somehow. However, the cellar is always locked, and even when opportunity strikes for escape, Summer has seen the result of those who try to cross Clover. Summer must continually keep herself strong in the hopes that one day she will be able to be free; but first she must endure the torture Clover has in store- which in reality is just becoming a family filled with love, affection, and perhaps once he has known his "flower" for a longer time, much needed sexual release. The other women seem delusional, but there is this constant hope within Summer, as well as her family members, to get her back home.

Quite honestly there were a lot of times in this novel I was legitimately scared. The villain, Clover, is a psycho. He slips into everyday life by having a normal job, a normal life, and when he does go shopping for clothes he always seems to have the right answers to draw suspicion away. It was actually terrifying to know how easy it was to kidnap and hold these women, and it was even worse to know the man considered them his "family". It makes you really consider serial killers, serial rapists, and kidnappers.

I believe the story ended a little conveniently, but I don't think the author could ethically ended it differently. You travel with this young naive protagonist through the horror of murder, rape, and kidnapping; your only hope is the light at the end, even if it's death for some. I did give this story 4 stars on Good reads because it was well written and it caused me to have these feelings of fear. In fact there were a few nights when I had legit nightmares of events. There are other novels Preston wrote with a similar premise, but I think I want to skip those. The book is very close to real life and the mind of a psychopath, so I feel one is enough to give me a good view on what we see. Be my guest to keep going. The book was easy to get through...physically anyway. 

Where's the Humor in Death?

It has been a long time...too much work stress, too many papers to grade, just too much. But nevertheless I am back with a book I just finished a few weeks ago.

 Me Earl and The Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews was one of those books I picked up simply because they came out with the movie and it looked interesting. No, I did not see the movie, and after reading the book I don't know if I will. I feel there didn't need a movie because, honestly, we didn't have to have a visual to understand the concept of this book. Okay, maybe I'll watch it eventually...but you know what I mean.

Greg has made it clear that he is going to lay low, fit in with everyone, and therefore fly under everyone's radar his senior year. He has succeeded at this; in fact most people acknowledge his existence, but he doesn't fit into any one group in particular. He and his best friend, Earl, hang out discussing movies; in fact the two have dabbled in the film making aspect. They aren't great films, but the two of them enjoy the secret of their craft. Senior year was starting as planned, until Greg's mom tells him about his "friend", Rachel. Rachel has cancer, and despite the treatments and the fight, she is sick and in desperate need of a friend. So, naturally, Greg's mother volunteers him for the job. After the first encounter with Rachel, Greg's picture perfect high school plan becomes a thing of the past. The next few months prove to be embarrassing and awkward, but Greg and Earl begin to realize that perhaps that's just a part of life.

I was laughing pretty much the entire time with this one. Andrews has a great way with humor and capturing the true essence of a high school teenage boy. It has a similar concept to John Green's A Fault in Our Stars, but this one seems more real. Greg is inconvenienced by his mother's request to be friends with this girl he had no intention of friending. She's odd, laughs weird, and is not someone he wants to intentionally go out of his way to make feel better. Yet, as time passes he warms to the idea of Rachel and making her feel better.

No, it's not a love story which was SO nice because after reading 15 million reviews on how romantic and loving John Green's book was I was over it. The ending isn't exactly expected, but that was not a bad thing.
The book was a very easy read, hilarious, and just nice. It's nice to have a book about disease that has real emotion so it's easier to relate to the characters and story. Definitely worth the read; it goes really quick and will have it's moments where you laugh out loud- which of course causes people to look at you and wonder in public. Oh well.

We'll Pull Out These Memories...and They'll Make Us Feel Safe

The Impossible Knife of Memory by Laurie Halse Anderson expresses a fresh take on a common mental illness. Most of Anderson's novels reflect realistic issues; this one, however, drives away from direct teenager problem and the focus is how mental illness affects life as a whole.

Hayley and her father have been on the road for years. After he returned from the war, her father was deeply affected with post traumatic stress; therefore driving from state to state and desperately trying trying to find enough money to pay for food became a way of life. However, senior year was when Hayley's father chose to settle in his mother's old house. Despite Hayley's attempts to get them on track, her father continues to go in and out of an alcoholic state, and the adjustment to public school is not an easy road.

As her story continues, Hayley is affected by the memory of her childhood; her father's absence, her step mother's alcoholism, her grandmother's loving touch and care. Her father slowly begins to spin further out of control; between his alcoholism, recreational drug use, and inconsistent temper its no wonder her life is a complete tornado.
When Hayley meets Finn, a charming swimmer from school, she tries to put a wall up to avoid anyone getting too close to her. The more time she spends with him, however, the more she realizes the two aren't so different. But her happiness seems to be a sham because she realizes her life will never be the picture perfect dream she could ever hope for.

The concept of Anderson's novels usually reflect a teen who needs to find their way. Her father's mental illness continues to affect Hayley to a point where she cannot even consider her own future without worrying she'll be leaving her father in a state of depression and despair. Her past troubles resurface, but it isn't until she begins to accept and move forward that she realizes life is hers to live.
This novel goes inside the brain of a past veteran, but also shows how one can accept and live with the memories too painful to forget. Finn's character provides comic relief, but he also serves as an anchor that Hayey desperately needs. His life is no happily ever after either, and the more she finds out, the more she is able to open up and take down the wall she has surrounding her.

I honestly believe this book will give readers, especially young adults, a new view on post traumatic stress. It's something heard about, but never truly understood. And although the veterans are the ones who suffer internally, the impact it has on a family, however broken they are, is devastating.

I Realize Now that Dying is Easy. Living is Hard...

It has been a while, but crappy freshmen essays seemed to be holding me back from reading. *Gasp* I know, an English teacher who has too many essays to grade. Crazy.

This was one of those independent reading books that all the girls read and loved, so of course, it was my turn. And luckily, I didn't get swept up in the movie craze so I was able to read the book first. I have to admit If I Stay by Gayle Forman took me a while simply because of how sad it was. I was going through an emotional period of time, and I knew that if I read this book at a steady pace, I would be bawling.  

Mia Hall is a senior in high school with a loving family, a wonderful and supportive boyfriend, and a promising future. She applied to the Julliard music program for the cello, and all signs point to acceptance. Her boyfriend, Adam, has a band that is just beginning to take off, and her family is picture perfect. Then tragedy strikes. Mia and her family are in a car accident; She finds herself watching the events to follow from the sidelines, literally, and realizes she is at the in-between stage. She isn't dead yet; this is the choice she must make.

This novel is full of flash backs of Mia's past, her worries about the future with Adam and her choice to attend the music school in New York, and her family. Mia has lost her family, this much she knows, but her decision to stay on earth with whatever she has left is a struggle. Everything tells her to give in and let go, but there are still things she is desperately trying to hold onto.

The novel gives a new meaning to the idea of strength. Mia is a teenager who has lost everything she knew, yet she has to make the decision to hang on in hopes of being strong, or to let go in hopes that she and the rest of her friends and family can move on.

Every turn of the page was full of emotion. Forman made so many references to music- classical, rock, punk- so it made it even more interesting. I mean who doesn't like a Nirvana "Something in the Way" reference?
This was a great read; sad and very emotional, but worth it. Mia's strength, her character, and everything that surrounds her makes her choice harder, but she shows us that choice is exactly what everyone has.

Sounds of the Great Depressions

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck tells the tale of two migrant workers during the Great Depression. Work was scarce, but Lennie and George traveled ranch to ranch in hopes of purchasing land. Their dream was to own their own land, live off it, and have animals (especially rabbits) for Lennie to tend to.
They arrived at Curly's father's ranch in hopes of getting work. Both men are in search of their American Dream, which appears only just out of reach. However, with Lennie's mental disability and the past not so far behind, the two men have a struggle; and it only takes one night for their lives to change.

I revisited this novel because I am teaching it for my Sophomore American Literature class. I am not a John Steinbeck fan. He has a lot of overly done description, in my opinion, and I just can't connect with the characters or the setting on any of his novels; then I reread this one.
Lennie is such a likeable character. You know off the bat he has a mental illness, but he is so loving, so caring, and all he wants is something soft to touch. He gets in his own way, and it is because of his past run in that he and George  continue to look for work. Lennie seems to not fit into this society, and it almost seems like he never will be able to blend in. In the end, George knows this in his heart, and he makes a decision that could be seen as questionable. It really does play with the reader because you wonder "should I be okay with this?", and "was there another way"?
This novel has so much emotion embedded in it that it's hard to read and not think about. It does a great job of showing readers the view of the Great Depression in the 30s; people were forced to work odd jobs in order to just make a few bucks. And it wasn't easy work. But you can see how the characters relate to each other; how the other migrant workers have their quirks, but they are, overall, a good bunch of people who look out for each other.

It really goes to show you the difference between now and the past. Nowadays odd jobs are known as minimum wage, and you can't trust a person father than you can throw them. 
After revisiting this novel I did change my mind. Instead of disliking it because it was a Steinbeck novel, I found myself actually enjoying it. I liked it because it made you feel emotions for the characters; it made you sad, or angry. Any book that gets an emotional reaction is usually a good one for me. It's a quick read, literally I finished the book in a day, and it is a thought provoking one. Chances are anyone who has read it has made their mind up about the content and the likeability of the novel, so reading this won't make or break anyone's opinion. But it is a book that shows friendship, companionship, and the overall moral that life is hard, but sometimes doing the "right thing" is harder.

What Is Your Cause For Hope?

Miles, "Pudge, has a thing for famous last words. In fact, he's memorized hundreds of people's last words. He is searching for his "Great Perhaps", which he knows cannot be found at his lifeless high school. Pudge dives into Culver Creek Boarding School in search of change, adventure, and the chance of his great perhaps. In walks Alaska Young; strong female presence and mood swings for days. But there is something about Alaska that drives Pudge into a head first journey that is his Junior Year. With the help of his friends, The Colonel, Takumi, Lara, and of course the beautiful Alaska, Pudge may be closer to finding his adventure. Through pranks, over night camp outs, smoke breaks, and irresponsible drinking, Pudge's feelings for Alaska strengthen, but he seems at home in this new world. Suddenly, their world turns upside down when tragedy strikes. With this missing piece, is it possible for the great perhaps to happen? Or will Pudge and his roommate, The Colonel, crumble under their own guilt and emptiness?

Looking for Alaska by John Green was a novel most of my freshmen girls were reading and loved. So, of course, I needed to check this out. Alaska Young is a strong female who won't let any male tell her her place. She is out of control, a compulsive drinker and smoker, and her mood swings are hard to handle. Yet, she takes a hold on Pudge the minute he sees her. Her individuality sucks him into a whirlwind. Each adventure the crew takes, each idea Alaska suggests, and each moment they are together, Pudge can't seem to loosen his grip on her. But, Alaska is a complicated character. She's got baggage, and her ambiguous one liners are enough to show her buried pain beneath her hard exterior. Alaska is the nucleus that holds the group together, and once she is gone there is so much hurt, guilt, and loneliness.
Pudge and The Colonel are also complicated characters in themselves. Both are very bright, both share great qualities, but they both have different reasons for being drawn to Alaska. The Colonel has his poor background, and he feels he needs to prove he's worth a damn in a world where the rich rule. Meanwhile, Pudge is just searching for change, and of course, his great perhaps. It's difficult for the reader to really know if both of these characters seek answers for their own selfishness, or for Alaska. But you can tell both of these characters needed her; each for a different purpose.
Green's use of last words and "the labyrinth" were purposeful. Alaska mentions the labyrinth and how we can escape it, meanwhile the great perhaps is something that Pudge looks forward to. Could this labyrinth be the end? Or the beginning? Or could it be the great perhaps? Once tragedy strikes, each member of the posse find themselves lost in their own worlds, yet they have a common goal: Alaska.

This book is truly worth the hype. It's not a hard read where you have to pay attention to every single detail, but it does have a lot of themes circulating:  strength of characters, the idea that one person can truly be the driving force, and discovering how pain can be overcome when you have allies. I loved the characters, as they all had their own strong personality. You can see each one of them develop and change from the beginning, and it is all in part thanks to Alaska.
Although the mystery of Alaska's downfall was never officially uncovered, all they needed was a push to show them that the world may be a labyrinth, but each person has their own way out.

Great book, amazing writing, and every other page I have marked with great quotations. Definitely worth it. It goes quick, but it does hit hard.

~Thomas Edison's last words were: "It's beautiful over there." I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it's beautiful. ~

My Greatest Fear is Disappearing

Ally's life seemed perfect: star actress, popular, she's on the dance team with all the upperclassmen girls constantly watching her, and the senior football player says he loves her. But once a naked picture is streamlined throughout the school, her picture perfect life is suddenly shattered. Her friends ignore her, and the words "whore" and "slut" are tossed around frequently. Ally remembers the roof, wanting so badly to jump, but she doesn't remember what happened before or after. Now she finds herself in the hallway, the in-between.

Elijah has always been in love with Ally, but steered clear after his own brush with death. After his brother's suicide, Elijah's life has fallen apart, but he managed to surmount his pain and power through, only now he can see ghosts, and he knows he needs to try to help Ally find her way back.
Her pain is so strong, and as her memory comes back Ally sees that maybe she won't be able to come through on the other side. Can Elijah make Ally see that getting through the pain is worth it? Or will Ally succumb to the pain and stay at death's door forever?

Forget Me Not by Carolee Dean centers around the raw emotion of pain and uselessness. Feeling a sense of belonging is typical for high school, and once that comfort is taken away, there is no telling the emotional toll it can take. Ally was once on top, but only because she built herself that far. Her baggage started way before high school, but once you claw your way to the top, you tend to forget the people you step on. I really started to get aggravated with Ally on more than one occasion. She starts to give up and decide this pain she's going through is far too much to take, so she'd rather be dead.
Upon further thought, because I am a high school teacher, I realized that I can understand her emotions. High school girls think it's the end of the world when the cute guy doesn't like them, or the are embarrassed in front of everyone, or they are ditched by their superficial friends. Ally is no different.
The best character, by far, was Elijah. His older brother's death affected him deeply, especially because his parents said they wish it had been him and not Frank. His baggage is so deep, but he managed to struggle through. His fight and his desire to keep fighting are admirable. I found myself wanting to read his side of the story more, and I found him more interesting. He is comfortable with himself and he doesn't care what anyone thinks. Ally was more shallow, and even through this experience, I feel like a part of her will always be that way.
I liked this one. Not loved, not hated, but it was okay. Some times during reading I kept thinking it was getting a little ridiculous. The whole ghost angle, and her being invisible was just eh. I get it, she's in-between, but I feel like the author could have done it a better way.
The book was really quick because it was in journal format, so both Ally and Elijah's stories were short chapters and poetic. Quick and easy, and it does a nice job of portraying realistic emotion in a high school environment. It's not a must read, but if you happen to want a quick one this is it.

The Best of Times

You can say Auden is socially unaware. Because she doesn't have a social life, she buries herself in school, reading, and any kind of activity that does not involve being around others. Plus, she's an insomniac ever since her parents' divorce. It seems all she's ever known are the countless cocktail hours her mom holds for her graduate students, which involve mindless chatter about the world, literature, and things of that nature.

After graduation, Auden sees an opportunity to spend the summer with her father and his new family at the beach. Although life by the beach seems carefree, this is far from Auden's mindset. Coming into a community where the girls discuss gossip, crushes, and their evening plans, Auden feels out of place and much happier in her room studying for the upcoming college semester.
Lost in paradise, she comes across Eli, also an insomniac, who has trouble in his own world as well. Together the two set forth on a quest to help rebuild the social life and childhood she seemed to miss out on. And it's at this unfamiliar location that Auden begins to come to terms with the decisions she's made, and she discovers that it doesn't matter how many times you fall, just that you get back up.

Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen is a very sweet, quick summer read. As I said in past reviews, I love Sarah Dessen books. They are the perfect cushy read for anyone. They are absolutely predictable, but isn't that sometimes the fun part?  Everyone is in search for something to read while tanning at the beach, and I feel Dessen has quite a knack for writing those types of books.

I felt the whole aspect of her parents' divorce and how she never quite dealt with it is a very real topic. Many teenagers go through it, however many teenagers don't have Auden's parents. Her parents are very demanding, pretentious, judgmental, or easy to quit while the going is tough. Plus her brother can do no wrong, and she is doomed to hear about it by her mother all the time. I can definitely relate to that, being the oldest with two younger brothers. So mix these realistic topics with the fact that there is a romance brewing, and you have yourself a great filler book to get through quickly. Everyone could use one of those...duh.

"The Scariest Apocalypse is One That Could Really Happen"

Everyone has heard of the idea that there is a volcano under Yellowstone Park. If you haven't, well now you have. People wonder what if that volcano were to erupt? What would happen to the world? In this novel, Ashfall by Mike Mullin, readers are given a first glance at the possibility of this natural disaster.

Alex is almost 16 years old. He argues with his mother, can't stand his younger sister, and sure as hell is not going to visit his Uncle this weekend. His parents don't put up a fight and leave him home alone. During his first night of freedom is when the volcano erupts. Ash covers the entire town, but Alex manages to get out of his house to the safety of his neighbors. Unfortunately, he discovers quickly that many people are so desperate they turn violent. Alex plans to leave his town in search of his family, so the journey begins. Long days of being on the road with no food, water, and no chance of survival leave him expecting the worst. Luckily, Alex encounters Darla, who accompanies him on his journey. The two encounter dangerous people, loss of food, and a few brushes with death. They have only each other and the determination to survive this apocalypse.
I found this book very real. The situation the young travelers are in seems as though it could happen in today's society. Even though the whole hurricane and blizzard scene appears scary and chaotic to us, I always wonder what would happen in a real natural disaster; one similar to the situation Alex finds himself in. Of course there are those people who buy tons of water and canned goods because they believe the world will end, but in reality, we haven't come close to anything like Mullin explains. Alex and Darla are both young, and to witness so much violence, death, and starvation really does break your heart. I found myself seeing Alex grow with each step of the trip, and I was terrified for him throughout his journey. Of course this is book one, so I knew Alex wouldn't end up dead, but the question is who will? Will he make it? This story was so believable, and even though you don't want to think about an apocalypse, the whole scenario of violence, the government taking over, and people with shot guns everywhere was something I could see happening. No one knows how to deal with a real disaster, so when it comes unexpectedly, the worst is brought out in people. They try to protect their own, and when it can't be done, no one knows how to react. Really creepy.

This story was a lot like Life As We Knew It by Susan Beth Pfeffer. It was a real disaster and real emotions. Miranda is young, but I found myself in her story relating more to the other brother. He was constantly trying to protect his siblings and make things easier for their mother. That story was so real and believable I have not read the second or third ones yet. I can't bring myself to do it. It's just scary. Knowing that chaos is easily brought out among the human race almost makes you feel embarrassed. How can we just panic so easily? It also makes you wonder if something happened how you would react. Would you have the will to survive? Could you kill if it meant you'd live?
These books are great topics for authors to write about. It's even better for readers because we become painfully aware that we know nothing about survival. All we know is what we're told. Sometimes that may not be enough.